Two Years.....Wait What?

Two years ago today, our lives changed forever. Two years ago today, my life changed forever. It changed in so many ways....I wouldn't even know where to start.  We are all different in ways. Of course the obvious....a little grayer, a little heavier, a little older....A LOT more loud, busy and crazy! Ha! Despite my opposition to change, it can be good.

When we arrived at the hospital that morning, I never realized the events of that day would never be forgotten and believe me, I can give you every detail of that day. Sadly, I can't say that about the days my other four were born.  But, I can still remember it as if it were today.  The joyous feeling we had to the terrified realization that our baby girl might not make it if certain steps weren't taken immediately to ensure her safety. The trauma of her birth and the things that I was experiencing through all of that won't ever be forgotten. It won't be forgotten that I totally missed her being born or hearing her cry for the first time or hearing the Dr's immediate assessment of my girl, but God knew what He was doing and so that's what I hold onto.

When my sweet girl turned 3 months old, I felt in my heart something wasn't right.  I remember telling an acquaintance at a mutual friends birthday party that I felt we would be told sometime that year that something was wrong with my girl.  Little did I know how true that feeling was.  After talking to our pediatrician and him also noting some issues, his quick response started us on the journey of Marlee's diagnosis. 

After numerous numerous numerous trips to Children's Hospital, seeing many specialists and having numerous blood tests and tests like MRI's, upper GI's, nasals scopes, swallow studies, sleep studies, echo-cardiograms, ultrasounds, xrays, and the list goes on and on...we had a main diagnosis of 2q11.2 Deletion Syndrome or DiGeorge Syndrome. She was also diagnosed with a subclavian artery that comes off the wrong side of her heart, and a vascular ring which was repaired through surgery at 8 months old. She was also diagnosed with Laryngomalacia, Torticollis, and reflux.  The first year of her life was filled with many fears, tears and questions. Here are some pictures of *some* of the things she went through including tests, surgery, physical therapy and a few extras.  Some of these I have shared on facebook, but not most of them. I hold these close to my heart as they are so very precious to me. They show her struggles but oh how I can look back now and see how far she has come. :)

 

And some more......

 

Her first little year of life was hard. But this second year has been good. Still hard, but good. Praise the Lord, she has been released from most of her specialists because she has done so well. She was just released from physical therapy last week and is currently still in occupational therapy for brachial plexus palsy in her left shoulder.  She is also receiving special instruction through the Arc of Shelby County.  You can go here,  http://youtu.be/Y2qI941HuOY , to see a United Way interview I did for the Arc about Marlee.  She does have a speech delay and will more than likely have to start speech therapy in the new year.  I long to hear her say "Momma" and "Daddy" but I know it will come.

Happy 2nd Birthday sweet sunshine!! We love you more than you know!!

~A

A Momma's Heart

As some of you know, 2013 was a challenging year for our family with Marlee being diagnosed with 22q11.2 Deletion Syndrome/DiGeorge Syndrome.

I don't know if you can understand this, but it took me a while to be ok with her diagnosis.  All of the driving back and forth to Children's Hospital and all the different specialists she was having to see left me in a fog.  I was always waiting for more bad news.  Fear gripped my heart.  I also questioned God as to why. Why, after four relatively healthy children, did our fifth have to have something wrong? Did I do something? I didn't feel as though I was being punished but I felt like, why me? I had a lot of emotions running rampant and I just couldn't figure out what to do or how to handle them.  I was very sensitive to things....things that shouldn't have bothered me but they did.  I felt sad. I felt very alone. I felt like no one could understand this momma's heart.  I would go through times where I felt like people didn't understand and they didn't care to understand.  But God did.  During those times that I was seeking happiness through others, God lovingly and consistently asked me if He was enough.  Was He enough in my life?  Did I trust Him? Did I trust Him with Marlee's life? Did I trust Him with my family's life?  Did I trust Him with the future?  I guess He made me look at myself and realize that sadly, I didn't. 

He has been working on me though.  He is showing me that He IS enough. I really don't know how to explain it, but at this moment in my life, I can honestly say that God has given me a complete peace about her precious little life.  He made her just the way she is. He and He alone is in control of every aspect of her life. He has taught me that over and over this last year. He is constantly teaching me how much He loves me through her adorable smile, her contagious little laugh and her precious spirit.  I may not ever know why He chose to bless us this way and yes, I look at her diagnosis as a blessing. This girl has my heart in so many ways, y'all! I can definitely say that it has opened up my eyes at how I took the health of my other children for granted. It has softened my heart to those that do have special needs children.  Her diagnosis has taught me a little about myself too. I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. And it's NOT my strength, but God's strength through me. He is the one who has given me the strength and stamina to go through all that she has gone through.  It is His grace that has gotten me through the scary times. I am so thankful for the hope in Him!

So now, this momma is on a mission! My hope is that others would become more aware of DiGeorge Syndrome! I have been praying that God would show me how to make others aware. That He would open doors for His glory to shine through!  I know He has big things in store for Marlee and for us. I know without a shadow of a doubt that her life and her diagnosis is for a specific reason. I may not know now what that is, but I just know in my heart........

My loves!!

 ~A