In the process of learning

I've had a lot of different things going on in my life recently and God is gently showing me some things about myself that are hard to take in.

I KNOW that God clearly told me last night that I have a control issue. And that I am extremely selfish. I honestly believe that I feel like I have to have control over all situations that come up in my life. It's my defense mode. It's what I do to keep from getting hurt. But in turn, I tend to always get hurt and hurt those in the situation with me.

Today when I sat down to have my devotions I asked God to teach me something that He wanted me to know about Him or about myself or just whatever He wanted me to learn. The scripture for the devotional was Exodus 2:11-15 and Exodus 3:7-12. I am quoting what the devotional said because the story is better explained that way. "It was the story of Moses and how he thought he could use his royal power to bring about deliverance for God's people from slavery. He has misused his power by killing an Egyptian, which only dissipated his power because he lost the respect of his own people. God had to teach him meekness. The meek prosper because they are the ones who have power under control. Our Lord said, 'Blessed are the meek for they shall inherit the earth' (Matt. 5:5). You may be trying to live in this world by your own power. Let God teach you meekness so that you can live in and depend on His strength."

After I read my devotion I prayed and asked God what He wanted me to read in the Bible so I opened it up to this verse Isaiah 55:8&9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."

I cried when I read that because I KNOW that God told me last night that I had a control issue. How perfect this devotion and scripture was for me today! How incredibly convicting and humbling this was. When I asked Him to teach me something today He clearly answered my prayer. I have been trying to live my life being the one in control. Always saying "Your will Lord" but in reality I didn't really mean that because some way or another I would take control. He clearly tells us that His thoughts and ways are not our thoughts and ways and that we should just simply trust Him.

So I am trying to completely give it all to Him. This is a new concept for me and of course I know I will falter but I'm so thankful to God for gently reminding me that He is in total control.