Strength In The Struggle

The house is quiet, it's late, everyone is asleep and its just me and my thoughts.....well ok, I do have Friends reruns playing in the background but for the most part, it's quiet.  I'm thinking about this upcoming week and the message I heard at church yesterday morning.  It was for me.

We haven't been to church in a few weeks for various reasons and I was more than tempted to stay at home snuggled up in my bed. David had to work and frankly, the thought of getting myself and 5 kiddos ready for church was exhausting.  Being lazy would have been the easier thing to do, but I missed my church family. I missed hearing our pastor preach. I missed the worship time and the renewing of my heart from just being in the presence of the Lord.  And let me tell you, the evil one sure wasn't happy that I wanted to go to church.  He worked his hardest to defeat me through my children, but he did not win. I was determined. I prayed for strength, God granted my prayer and believe it or not, I was actually 10 minutes early to church. Now, I may have been finishing my makeup in the car but by golly, I was early! :-)

I got the kids to their class and little miss sunshine and I went into the auditorium. I found my seat and breathed a huge sigh of relief.  I was there. I made it.  I have done church with all the kids by myself before but I guess because of the way the morning had been going, it was a miracle I was there. God wanted me there.

We had sweet worship time and then a prayer request and prayer time. I, of course, briefly mentioned Marlee and her appointments this week along with others who shared things on their hearts. Our pastor looked at me and basically said, this sermon is for you.  I mean, I know he didn't prepare it specifically for me but I knew what he meant.  I love being part of a smaller church because it means a lot to me to not get lost in the crowds.....its sad to not even be noticed or cared that you left the church. I want to be a part of a church where the pastor actually knows your name. I've been there and done that with a larger church and no thank you.  Anyway, our pastor prayed a sweet prayer and started on his message.

He had us turn to Matthew chapter 6 vs 25-34.  The beginning of vs 25......."Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life" and vs 34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble if its own."

Yes, I needed to hear this. I actually am familiar with these verses but they are ringing true for me right now.  This season of unsureness does come with a lot of anxiety and worry. But one thing remains true, God loves me and He wants what is best for me and what is best for Marlee.  You see, none of this has taken Him by surprise. He formed Marlee in that most secret place. He made her just the way He saw fit. If allowing her to be born, chromosome abnormalities and all, brings Him glory then it is worth it and I will choose to accept it and trust it. I may never understand, this side of heaven, why He has allowed this and that's ok. His ways are higher than my ways. He is the creator of all things. Who am I to question how or why He chooses to allow certain things to happen?  I'm just thankful for her life. Thankful for the joy she has brought my heart. Thankful for the many giggles and laughs we all have had because of her cuteness! Thankful for her sweet smiles and little coos she makes. I'm just so thankful.

I am trying not to worry, but I do have moments of weakness. Oddly enough, I do have a peace in my heart, but that doesn't mean there won't be times of uncertainty as to what is next.  I'm not sure right now where this will all lead or what the future holds in regards to her care,  but I do know who is in control of it all! He gives me the strength I need to deal with all of this. My prayer is that I will take this opportunity to continue to praise Him and trust Him with her life.  She has only been loaned to me. I just hope that I am doing all that God has called me to be and do as her mom.  I am blessed.

Today I ask for prayer for her lab work and lab technician and for everything to go smoothly. This past Friday, I drove to Children's South for her lab work. When I got there, the tech told me that there was one test they couldn't do there because after collection, it had to be run within 10-15 minutes and they didn't have the resources there to do it. I was going to have to go downtown. Ok, so I drove to Children's downtown and found the lab. Signed in and was called back quickly. The lab tech got everything ready, found a vein in her left arm and proceeded to stick her.  All of a sudden she "lost" the vein. She was moving the needle all around Marlee's arm searching for the vein and Marlee was screaming. :-(   My heart hurt so bad watching her go through that. The tech finally pulled the needle out and said she couldn't stick her again and she was going to find someone else. After a few minutes had passed and I was able to calm Marlee down, another lab tech walked in. She got to looking at the order for the blood work and told me that they couldn't do the fourth test because it was a send out and their send outs had already gone out for the weekend. Really? You mean to tell me Marlee just went through that for nothing? How come the other tech didn't catch that? Grrrrrrr!!!! I kept my cool because it wasn't her fault but still, I was aggravated.  Sooooo, I will be heading back downtown today for her lab work and for her to see the pediatric geneticist.  I would just like for it to go smoothly with minimal pain.

Thank you again for your prayers.  Hope you have a great day!

~A


UPDATE!!!

Thank you, thank you for your prayers!! The lab work couldn't have gone any better! The lady found Marlee's vein, stuck her, got the four vials of blood and was done. Marlee didn't cry one single bit! She didn't make one single sound!!! She just stared at the lady and sucked on her nuk nuk (paci). Praise The Lord for answering everyone's precious prayers!! I was amazed!! :)

Also, the appointment with the geneticist went well. She was very informative and helpful. She gave me a 20 page document detailing DiGeorge Syndrome and some of the appointments we will more than likely be dealing with in the future.  It's just so hard to tell right now how Marlee will be affected by this.  Thursday is the appointment with the pediatric cardiologists. Hoping all goes well there! :)